Carguments Part 1: Hawaii 5- O
by hotchnissjemilyjeid
Summary: Danny and Steve's carguments


Carguments Part 1

Danny: "Why do you do that? You're like a devourer of dreams. You eat them, like a little Pac-Man in cargo pants!"

Danny: Alright, so, what's up? You get a chance to interrogate Wo Fat yet?

Steve: Sorry, Danny, that's classified.

Danny: It's classified? Is that a joke? Are you kidding me?

Steve: No, I'm not kidding.

Danny: Okay, well, when are you bringing him back?

Steve: I can't tell you that either. Danny, I can't tell you these things over an unsecured line. You understand. It's a security issue.

Danny: Okay, you know what I think? I think that you think, that saying stuff like that is cool. It's not cool. It's actually the opposite.

Steve: Danny—

Danny: Know what? Forget it. I don't care where you go. Well, no, I care. I'm just gonna find out myself, okay. I will track your plane.

Steve: No you won't. We're coming in dark.

Danny: (Beat) Dark, huh?

Steve: Yes, dark. As in off the radar. Dark.

Danny: I, I know what "dark" means, okay? Is that really necessary, though?

Steve: That's protocol, Danny. I'm sorry, but I can't answer your questions right now, okay? Gotta go, all right?

Danny: I got an easy one. What are you wearing? You know what? Don't answer. I'm sure it's top secret, so I will take a guess. (pretends to think hard) Cargo pants!

Steve: Goodbye, Daniel.

("Sexy Eyes" comes on the radio)

(beat)

Danny: Are you serious?

Steve: What?

Danny: You're not gonna do something about this, you're not gonna do change this?

Steve: What's wrong with this?

Danny: You're going to leave this, you're not going to do something about this?

Steve: It's OK.

Danny: It's OK? I know you have been trained to endure torture... but this, this is unbearable! This is not right. Songs this bad make stable people wanna kill other people! You understand?

(Danny turns it off; Steve looks at Danny with the most hilarious facial expression)

Steve: I think it's kinda catchy. (turns it back on)

Danny: (twitches)

Danny When you get somebody shot, you apologise!

Steve I'm sorry.

Danny: You don't wait for a special occasion!

Steve: I'm sorry.

Danny: Birthdays, or friggin' President's Day!

Steve: I am sorry,; OK? I said I am sorry, I am sincerely sorry, that is what I have been trying to tell you last year. When this conversation started.

Danny: Your apology is noted. Acceptance is pending.

Danny: I have a number of a therapist to give you, OK? Walk up steps like a human

Danny: You need help. I will pay for it.

Danny: Please don't do that.

Steve: What?

Danny: Please don't put both hands on the wheel. Every time you do that something terrible happens, and I have to pray. Wait, wait. (puts on seatbelt) Okay. (Steve drives through a gate)

Steve: What are you doing?

Danny: What?

Steve: What are you doing, the guy's clearly a psychopath, you're trying to make friends with him? You're trying to connect?

Danny: He's standing right here in front of us!

Steve: Danny you're a cop, not a therapist.

Danny: Hey, hey I've been trained for this kind of thing okay!

Steve: What, to bore people into submission?

Danny: (to the criminal) Don't listen to him okay, his idea of communication is he drops a witty one-liner and shoots you in the face!

Steve: You know what maybe I should just shoot this guy now so he doesn't have to listen to you talk!

Danny: This is the only way in? On an animal? We couldn't have gotten an ATV or a gold cart—?

Steve: An A- Did you say ATV?

Danny: I did.

Steve: They wouldn't hear an ATV from a mile away, would they, Danny? But you know what? Your whining is probably louder than an ATV.

Danny: My-my whining—?

Steve: You're whining.

Lori: How long have you two been married?

Steve: Would you like to steer?

Danny: Do I wanna steer? No. No, I wanna to continue to push this three ton hunk of metal, up a hill, in 95 degree weather! That's what I wanna do. Yes, I would like to steer, thank you.

Steve: Do you realize how much of your life revolves around food?

Danny: Do you realize how much of your life revolves around armed conflict?

Danny: Okay, let's say I am you, and you are the bad guy here. I would know that all the ways onto the ship are visible somehow. So, how would you outsmart yourself and get yourself onto that ship without yourself seeing yourself?

Steve: okay, was that an actual question, or were you just throwing words together and hoping they made sense?

Danny: First you have to seek to understand before you can be enlightened.

Steve: I will literally pay you cash to stop talking.

"I'm gonna teach these girls how to kill and gut a pig tonight, Danny. That's survival." "That's actually a horror film."

Duke: (smirking) Looks like somebody made Santa's naughty list.

Steve: Genius tried to carjack me.

Duke: (chuckling) You sure picked the wrong car, bruddah.

Carjacker: Crazy man ripped out my nose ring.

Duke: (to Steve) Make sure you put that in evidence.

Steve: Absolutely.

Steve: I keep telling you, if you don't like my driving you can always get out of the car!

Danny: I would but there are no doors.


End file.
